Three stages of fast food

By on September 11, 2012

Every day I find myself in a tailspin of heartache and indecisiveness.

Do I grab the chicken tenders at the grill or make a salad?

Choosing between an instant of crispy satisfaction and the long-term benefits of a healthy enemy is a terrible punishment. It’s almost worse than deciding if I want Mead or Lisa Frank notebooks at the start of every school year.

The term “Freshman 15” is not a myth, but a reality. I have lived on this campus for four years (can we get a slow clap going?) and I have seen the tragic side effects of carbo loading. It’s not a pretty sight. I hope to offer some words of “thinspiration” before it’s too late. It’s all about staying healthy, right?

Your first mistake is asking for crispy chicken at Mondo’s. Memo to everyone: they don’t serve it there any more. It’s time to move on. But, they do have lettuce and tomato. Eat a salad. I miss pasta Wednesdays and szechwan Thursdays at the Ratt just as much as the next person. It’s important to remember food is not love. At least that’s what I try to tell myself.

Avoid late night runs to Popeyes and KFC. Colonel Sanders is a dastardly foe out to ruin your beach body from last summer. You will learn to love grilled chicken with time. Trust me.

Don’t be a Grimace. Stay away from the golden arches between trips to Wal-Mart. This also means kicking that hot redhead Wendy and her tasty Frosty’s to the curb as well. You can do it. As Kate Moss once said, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

I’m not blind. I know Taco Bell is sitting in Hamden. You probably think the Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme is the best thing you ever ate. Washing it down with that Baha Blast probably quenched your thirst too. Wait two to six weeks and tell me what you see in the mirror. You might have to switch your Halloween costume. Don’t worry. Dressing up as a meatball should be easy for you.

Think twice before ordering your weekly Domino’s or Papa John’s large pizza. There’s a difference between feeling like the Pillsbury Dough Boy and a life-size loaf of bread. And then there are some people, such as myself, who feel like both.

Going to the gym isn’t merely a fun pastime, but an imperative suggestion. There are treadmills, ellipticals and bikes for those of us less inclined to look like an extra on “Jersey Shore.” Just remember to sign up for a machine beforehand. If not, you will be kicked off. Probably by me.

If you’re in jeopardy of falling into the “Freshman 15” trap, heed my advice.

Unless you desire a new wardrobe filled with hoodies, sweatpants, yoga pants and jeggings.

 

Matt Busekroos is a graduate student studying interactive media. He is a milkshake connoisseur and Lisa Frank enthusiast. He doesn’t actually think it matters what you look like as long as you are healthy and stay happy with yourself.

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About Matt Busekroos

Matt Busekroos
Email: publisher@quchronicle.com
Twitter: @mattybooz
Year: 2012
Major: Print journalism
Hometown: Shrewsbury, Mass.
Dream Job: Writer for an entertainment trade magazine