SEX ON FIRE: Timing orgasms together

By on October 26, 2011

DEAR LOVELY RITA: Will it ever be possible for my guy and me to orgasm at the same time? He can do it in like five minutes but it takes me way longer. After he’s done, he wants to stop because he’s tired but I’m not finished yet. How do I get mine to go faster? – Slow Burner

 

DEAR SLOW BURNER: It’s no surprise that your guy pops then flops. According to the Cosmo website, most women need 10 to 20 minutes to reach their O, while most men need… two. Seriously. If it’s taking you longer than average, it doesn’t mean that you or your partner are going at it the wrong way. It just means that it’s not really a matter of making yours come faster (pun intended), but a matter of better communication with your beau.

Focus more on foreplay – men often need much less time to get ready to fornicate than women. He might be clueless about “Nature’s rubix cube” and what makes a woman curl her toes.

Now is the opportunity to let him penetrate the mysteries of women so there’s no excuse for next time. Clue him on how to get you nearer the finish line by showing him. Men are visual learners, he’ll follow your lead.

Let him know that you want to orgasm faster but you need his help. Guys love to swoop in and play Superman, so let him pump his testosterone while you show him how it’s done. Men can be compared to sheep or lemmings. Take him by the nose (or something else) and lead by example. – Lovely Rita

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DEAR LOVELY RITA: I’m having trouble getting over my ex-boyfriend. We dated for about a year and a half and we’ve been on a break for about a month. I haven’t hooked up with anybody else since then because I still think we should be together. Is it worth trying to get back with him? – In Limbo

 

DEAR IN LIMBO: It sounds like you and your ex-boyfriend are having a tough time finding closure. Personally, I’m not a big fan of breaks. The time spent in relationship limbo tends to end up badly for both parties, or results in a yo-yo relationship.

Make a list of pros and cons. If all the positives are legitimate and outbalance the negatives, have a conversation with your ex about why you think you should reunite. It can be revealing to make this about anyone with which you have any kind of relationship, but especially romantic ones.

Try to discover why you broke up in the first place, and if it’s worth getting back together. Do you share the same values? Can you really see a future with this guy? Do you have a balanced amount of ambition? If all of those answers are yes and your fights happened because he always forgot to scrape the lint out of the dryer, then see if you two are worth another chance. If you had irreconcilable differences, forget about him and move on. – Lovely Rita

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Disclaimer: The Sex on Fire advice column is kept anonymous to avoid violating the privacy of the author.

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