It’s not cheating, per se

Sometimes, shortcuts at Quinnipiac are necessary evils

By on February 16, 2011

My guess is that I’m not the only student at Quinnipiac who faces annoying problems on a daily basis – things like remembering what day is trash day, parking, running out of household items, and of course the worst one…homework.

But the way that I approach these problems may separate me from the rest of the pack. My time at Quinnipiac is coming to an end, so I figured I would take a few minutes to enlighten everyone on how exactly I managed to get through the little problems that college presented me.

Don’t buy books unless it’s completely necessary:

Buying textbooks at school is the biggest scam in the world. You spend hundreds of dollars on books and then sell them back for about a quarter of the original price. A lot of times I wouldn’t even need to use the book to get a good grade. As a result, I stopped buying textbooks unless it was absolutely necessary. It’s far easier to try and find a book for QU201 at the public library, and check it out for free. It’s even easier to just be nice to the bookstore employees so when you’re standing in the aisle taking notes from a book that you have no intention on buying, you won’t be bothered.

Parking situation:

I’m not sure if I would rather try and find a parking spot in North Lot or wait in the student center post office line. There’s a few ways to beat the parking problem. Wait and offer a ride to someone in exchange for their spot. It’s creepy, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The best idea though stems from the people who cheat the car pool lanes. Yes, I’m talking about putting inflatable, fake people in your car in order to park in the car pool lot. It would pass the security check a thousand out of a thousand times.

Use your…resources at the library:

Some people may look down on this one, but again, desperate measures. You know when it’s finals week and you have legitimately no time to go shopping, and you run out of things like toilet paper at your house? Well, the answer is right in front of you. Either go to the office at Residential Life and pretend you live on campus for free toilet paper, or put away your pride and take a roll from the library. For all the hours I spend there I figure Arnold Bernhard owes me a roll or two of TP.

Homework:

Homework isn’t fun, so why do it when you can have other people do it for you, and then just learn everything at the last minute before the exam? With most types of homework you can find a buddy in class, and explain to them that it would be faster if they did the first half of the assignment, you did the second half, and then exchanged halves. At the same time, you find another friend, convince him that you’ll do the first half, and have him do the second half. Then you just simply give your two friends each others answers, and your assignment is taken care of. It may sound bad, but it’s not like you are screwing them over. Besides, I’ve always been more of a big picture guy.

Saving cab money:

This is more for those who live off campus, or are just trying to get to your late night booty call. Getting a cab home from campus isn’t fun, and half the time you spend all your cash in New Haven so it’s just a hassle. Aside from finding a person to stay with, the best thing to do is just sleep on the couches in the library. Yes, you may look like a fool when you wake up to kids drawing on you, but it’s a warm, and more importantly, safe place to sleep.

Comments

About Chris Leary

6 Comments

  1. Irony

    February 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    So.
    In your endless wisdom you couldn’t find time to hit up the local stop and shop for toilet paper?
    Or do some math problems, which, apparently your friends (see: victims) had the time to do?
    By the way, did your Halo rank go up during your time here?
    How many notches do you have on your post?
    I hope to god you aren’t a business school student.

  2. Ben

    February 21, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    haha I don’t even go to QU but this was pretty damn funny. Loved the inflatable person idea..good stuff leary

  3. Bobby Douchay

    February 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Yeah, people ask me to “split halves” of their work incessantly. I usually agree, and then make up a B.S. story about how I didn’t get around to it because my cat/goldfish/iPod caught on fire the night before it was due.

    Then I give people the much needed consolation speech before walking away cackling.

    P.S. Irony – I’ll stake just about anything that this indeed is a business student. Most likely finance, which explains why my goal after graduation is to put as much distance between myself and this continent as-humanly-possible.

  4. Pathetic

    February 21, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    The gems of idiocy under “don’t buy textbooks” and “homework”…. so typical….

    You are an embarrassment both to yourself and to other students at QU. Way to go.

    No wonder why nobody takes QU seriously.

  5. Duncan

    February 21, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Hey Pathetic– Your a Clown. I can tell your the guy in the library on friday nights

  6. awesome

    February 22, 2011 at 1:42 am

    In response to the comment above:

    Pathetic is a good name for you.

    This is not just a list of ridiculous things, they are laws to live by as a struggling college student trying to get by.

    So grow a sense of humor along with a pair and bring out your inner Bobcat douche bag

    No wonder why nobody likes you.