‘Friend Zone’ is first step to romance

By on October 20, 2010

(Editor’s Note: “Lenny’s Love Life” may or may not become a recurring piece in the Chronicle, depending on the success of Lenny’s romantic encounters.)

I get it. The “Friend Zone” mistake is real. I’ve made the mistake for my two-plus years at Quinnipiac and even way back in high school. But here’s my question for you ladies: Why is going in the Friend Zone a mistake?

Throughout my adolescence, I have made friends with tons of girls because I really do appreciate what they offer in a friendship. But then there are other types of girl friends, not to be confused with “girlfriends.”

You know, the girls who take over your mind and prevent you from getting anything done. The girls who make your face light up like a menorah on the eighth night of Hannukah (yes, girls, I’m half-Jewish). The girls who — well, the girls who you don’t want to just befriend.

For those unfamiliar with the term “Friend Zone,” it’s when a guy tries to befriend a girl with the intent of being more than just friends. But once a guy becomes friends with a girl he has feelings for, the girl just wants to stay friends and anything more would be too awkward for her. The guy is now firmly in the Friend Zone, and there’s nothing he can do to change that.

If you have already made this mistake, don’t waste your time trying to escape. My message to those guys: sorry, I know the feeling, move on.

So the million-dollar question for guys is: How do we avoid entering the Friend Zone in the first place?

From my experience, my best advice is don’t be a nice guy. It’s sad, but it’s true. Whenever I’ve tried to befriend a girl with the intent of eventually making her my girlfriend, I’ve failed to make it past the friendship stage. All I tell myself is, “I guess nice guys really do finish last.”

By the way, that’s a major sign you have entered the Friend Zone. When the girl you like tells you, “you’re so sweet” or “you’re such a nice guy,” just forget about dating her. Here are some other Friend Zone signals: she tells you about the type of men she’s attracted to and you don’t fit her description, she asks you for advice about other guys, she says she can always count on you, or she says you’re her best friend.

The worst part is that I can’t change. And I shouldn’t have to act differently for a girl to like me as more than just a friend.

Entering the Friend Zone shouldn’t be a mistake guys make. It should be the first step in an everlasting relationship. How else should guys go about finding the right girl? Judge girls by their looks? No, that doesn’t work. All that gets you is a slap in the face.

Guys: you must get to know a girl before you decide you want to get into a relationship with her. (You should have realized by now I’m not looking for that Friday night fling guys talk about Saturday morning.)

Girls: you must be open to the idea of guys wanting more than just friendship. Otherwise, guys have no way of approaching girls they like.


About Lenny Neslin

Email: editor@quchronicle.com
Twitter: @lsneslin
Year: 2012
Major: Print journalism
Hometown: Hanover, N.H.
Dream Job: Sports Illustrated Writer


  1. Lenny's Pimp

    October 20, 2010 at 9:44 am

    For a good time (with Lenny) call: (646) 660-1641

    • Couter

      October 20, 2010 at 9:53 am

      Only if he takes a shower first…

  2. Caleb Gindl

    October 20, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Girls of QU, you’d be crazy not to date this man.

  3. Some person

    October 20, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    First of all, this article just makes me smile…

    Hey, sometimes it works out. I know a few people that have gotten out of the friend zone. Yes, it’s a few people but they also have great relationships. Girls can also have this problem – a lot of guys here choose certain types of girls too.

    But, there are the nice girls AND guys out there that DO go unnoticed – so your article does ring true. Good luck and I can’t wait to read the next one!

  4. Michelle

    October 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Lenny, come by my room tonight at 9. My roommates will be gone. ;)

    Crescent 635

  5. areyousure?

    October 20, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    are you sure this is factual? …not just another way for you to TRY getting laid?

  6. Tiffany

    October 30, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Wow your pretty pathetic to write this. Not only does this a. Make you seem like an even bigger loser than you already are, but b. This will without a doubt keep you in the friend zone. Maybe instead of wasting your time writing about your non existant love life you should spend this time trying to fix yourself.

    • W.B. Jones

      October 30, 2010 at 5:48 pm

      It’s evident you don’t see the humor or insight in this article, which makes me think you need to check your reading comprehension.

      It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Lenny is not the only one out there experiencing this, and I can pretty much attest to everything he wrote about through my own trials and tribulations.

      Calling someone a “loser” just makes you seem like a frigid bitch.

      • Ashley

        October 31, 2010 at 9:14 am

        It’s evident that you may not know the way this kid has treated girls.

        • Rodney

          November 1, 2010 at 6:49 pm

          Lenny treats girls very nicely. Perhaps too nicely. Maybe he just doesn’t fit into the mold of most of the loser guys who go to this college and thus fit what the girls are looking for. No, he’s not an Italian from Jersey, the South Shore of Long Island, or from Boston. Maybe his thing isn’t going tanning, wearing earrings, looking like an idiot by wearing Ed Hardy, and all those shirts with dumb crap on them. Lenny is simply a nice, friendly, intelligent, and classy guy. Its sad that a lot of girls here could care less for such class, and go for such crass that they do. Just because Lenny’s parents didn’t just get their money yesterday and then try to show it off but have no sense of style, like many of these guido/meathead losers.

          • Vito

            November 1, 2010 at 7:03 pm

            Not all of us Italians are from Jersey. Many of them give us a bad name, we aren’t all guidos. But yea maybe he’s not the typically QU guy, as sometimes, different girls look for different things in a guy.

            But also, its dumb to post about it. To be successful, one must project an image of success, as the old saying goes. Frankly, this article projects an image of failure, which only breeds more failure.

          • Caleb Gindl

            November 2, 2010 at 8:03 am

            Lenny’s certainly nice and friendly, but “intelligent” is a bit of a stretch.

            • Danielle

              November 2, 2010 at 3:30 pm

              he is one of the leading editors on the school-wide newspaper, so that counts for something, intelligence-wise, and btw that’s an understatement.

  7. Mystery

    November 7, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    hey man, I’m Mystery, the famous PUA from the Pickup Artist and author of The Game. You should come to my seminars sometime, you’ll learn the way.