Mexicans are stealing our jobs

By on April 28, 2010

A lot of people blame Mexicans for many of the economic woes our country is facing today. Many of them take low-skill jobs likes flipping burgers or mowing lawns for wages that would otherwise be insulting for non-Mexicans.

Regardless, they’re stealing our jobs. Every day. Why would someone hire a skilled landscape artist to revamp the front lawn for $100 per hour when we can just hire seven Mexicans to do it for $10 an hour with the division of labor? They wouldn’t; it’s more expensive.

Mexicans are taking all the jobs teenagers and high schoolers should be taking to develop a good work ethic. Mexicans take jobs like flipping burgers, cleaning dishes, and mowing lawns. Mexicans need to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on Mexicans.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? Machines. A single machine can effectively do the work of a dozen workers plowing fields or manufacturing cars on an assembly line. Why pay 20 assembly workers a $25,000 annual salary when you can just make the one-time expense of buying some machine for $250,000 that will last for five years? You wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. It’s just one-tenth of the cost, and machines don’t have sick days. Machines are taking all the jobs many hardworking Americans need to put food on the table for their families. We have ATMs taking the place of tellers, assembly machines putting together cars rather than auto-mechanics, and giant one-man field plows which eliminates the need for 25 workers with shovels. Machines need to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on machines.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? The Internet. The Internet allows us to instantly access anything and everything all around the world, including paying our bills electronically, and buying clothes from clothing stores’ websites, not to mention the fact that it’s the epicenter of information. Why should Best Buy hire 50 clerks when they only need 25 because half of their clientele shops online? Why would a company like Best Buy choose to only operate out of buildings when it can also operate online, expanding their sales while downsizing employment? They wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. Plus, the Internet doesn’t need a raise or healthcare benefits. The Internet is taking away jobs from librarians at libraries, clerks at stores, and, with the rise of e-mail and e-billing, even letter carriers working for the postal service. The Internet needs to stop taking our jobs. We need to start a war on the Internet.

You know what else I hate for taking American jobs? These do-it-yourself workshops they hold at Home Depot every Saturday. Whether it’s wallpapering your kitchen or building a patio for an outside deck, Home Depot hires a single employee to teach a workshop for about 20 people on how to do these things themselves, rendering useless people who actually do tiling, roofing, and plumbing for a living. Why would you hire a pro for $50 per hour plus materials to build your kid a swing set, when you can just do it yourself for free? You wouldn’t; it’s more expensive. Plus if you do it yourself, you don’t have to wait around all day for some stranger to show up at your house and then worry about them stealing your shit. These God-forsaken do-it-yourself workshops make professional plumbers and home fixer-uppers a thing of the past. We need to start a war on do-it-yourself workshops.

The point I’m trying to make is, I don’t understand why there is so much animosity and fear towards low-skilled Hispanics taking low-skilled jobs for lesser pay. They’re not “stealing” jobs. When I think of a Mexican stealing a job, I think of a white person walking out of a Sears with their head held high because of their new promotion, and then a group of Mexicans jumping him and wrestling the job out of his hands as if it were as tangible as a paper bill. If you don’t like the system, that is, companies hiring workers for lower pay, don’t fight the Mexicans: fight capitalism. That is what our economic system is fueled by; minimizing costs to expand the bottom line so the guy at the top can have another vacation home. That’s just how it is. No one is going to hire someone for more money to do the same job because it’s moral. It’s called competing for a job, and if your method of competing means you are willing to work for pubic hairs and a pat on the back, you win.

Or, here’s a grand idea, read a book and make yourself a marketable asset so your only job opportunities aren’t mowing a lawn or cleaning a pool. The more highly-educated you are, the less competition you will find for the job you wish to acquire. I’ve never heard of some CFO at a major corporation writing to the New York Times complaining about all these immigrants competing for the Vice-Chief-Accountant-Executive spot at his company. Heck, maybe if you even go as far as getting a master’s or PhD you won’t have to compete for a job because jobs will compete for you.


About Andrew Greene


  1. umm what?

    April 28, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Is this a satire piece on what the average uneducated redneck feels? If it is the author has succeeded because it sounds like it was written by one.

    Also, does the author propose declaring a war on Mexico or just illegal immigrants? Your proposed solutions make no sense.

    • yeah..

      August 1, 2010 at 5:47 am

      did you actually read the entire thing?…

  2. ^ a faggot

    April 28, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Clearly you didnt read the entire article.

  3. toggaf a

    April 28, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    we need Mexicans to do the jobs Americans won’t do

  4. Wow

    April 28, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    At first I was like wth but this is friggin’ hilarious

    • Ricky Williams' Bong

      April 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm

      at first i was like wtf but this is fuckin’ hilarious.

  5. excellent

    April 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    This article is outstanding, I have to say I’ve been reading the chronicle for quite some time and never have I seen an article this good.

    Outstanding job Mr. Greene! excellence, just pure excellence.

  6. at least your3 cool

    April 28, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I dont know what i liked more about this article, the tastefully satirical content or the fact mike ferrell had nothing to do with it this time.

    • Ricky Williams' Bong

      April 30, 2010 at 9:32 am

      harsh, bro.

  7. taco taco burrito

    April 28, 2010 at 3:55 pm


    (im surprised it took 5 comments for someone to say this)

  8. F

    April 28, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! Nice job :)

  9. summmmer

    April 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    I really like your article, but I still think you could’ve selected a less insulting title. I’m not Mexican, but I know many that don’t fit your stereotypical mold.

    Otherwise, great job! Any book suggestions?

    • to summmer

      April 29, 2010 at 9:48 am

      @summmer, I think that title and questionably racist opening paragraph are meant to capture the readers attention, not a sincere reflection of this author’s beliefs. we’re in connecticut not the south lol.

      Great job!

  10. dogthebountyhunter

    April 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    haha, first comment is made by an illiterate idiot. learn to read… good job andy, maybe consider working for the QUADnews…their paper is better anyways.

    • ionlyreadactualpapers

      April 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm

      Maybe he wanted his article to actually get printed. You know, like in a newspaper.

      website =/= newspaper, never understood in what world the quad news is actually a paper

      • Ricky Williams' Bong

        April 30, 2010 at 9:34 am

        its 2010, dude. things printed solely online are legitimate news sources. The Huffington Post never printed up a thing, but you see Arianna Huffington all over the place…Are you going to discredit the legitimacy of Matthew Drudge too? bloggers, which is essentially what QUAD news is, is a force to be reckoned with. And what that is here to stay, my friend.

        • meagain

          April 30, 2010 at 3:16 pm

          agreed. but it’s still not a newspaper, which is what i was saying

          • Ricky Williams' Bong

            April 30, 2010 at 4:43 pm

            alright, i jsut think that it not being a print newspaper detracts 0% from its importance/significance/credibility/legitimacy

            • ohcomeon

              April 30, 2010 at 9:43 pm

              you have to at least grant me 1% sir. or ma’am. but you are acting reasonably, so probably sir

  11. quad news

    April 29, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    andy i gotta hand it to ya, ive really enjoyed reading this article and the one you helped write last week as well. I hope to see more of your work in the future, youre a really good writer.

  12. Ricky Williams' Bong

    April 29, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    love it.

  13. Gloria

    April 29, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    @dogthebountyhunter, if you feel like talking about the Quad News, please go to their website, not this one. I’m sick of Quad News people coming on the Chronicle website and making comments like the one you made.

    and Andy, great satire. ridiculously hilarious and entertaining.

  14. thedon

    May 1, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Excellent Excellent article Andrew. Absolutely spot on.

  15. anon

    May 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    I was getting a little worried in the beginning! Ballsy Journalism, Chronicle.

  16. obamasucks

    July 22, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    God bless Arizona!

  17. Juanito

    July 26, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I am Mexican, still in Mexico, and I am going to take your jobs soon.


    Prepare for it losers!!!

  18. Andy

    August 1, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    As much as illegal immigrants are obviously “illegal,” rounding up over 10 million people is impracticable, and would tear apart families with kids who were born in America, and thus American citizens would lose their mothers and fathers.

    Illegal immigrants also comprise a very crucial part of the economy: a lot of them do the jobs American’s won’t do, such as farming jobs, housekeeping, gardeners, etc. and do it for less. That being said, the expulsion of illegals would not only be inhumane, but it would be bad for our currently ailing economy.

    However, illegals pose a problem when they don’t learn English or commit crimes. This stems from the fact that they aren’t very educated, and sometimes turn to crime. Furthermore, illegals do occasionally take jobs from more qualified candidates in several more skilled positions, which allows for easy tax cheat employers. Illegals can also cost the states when they go to the hospital, or can avoid responsibility for debts. In addition, drug cartels and terrorists enter through this open border, both of which are very large problems we face today, as the largest market for cocaine and the Great Satan for Islamic terrorists. Any responsible country works to avoid these scenarios.

    Therefore, we need to halt, or make efforts to halt illegal immigrations. The vast majority enter through the US-Mexico border, so it makes perfect sense to finish the border wall. No, this is not some “Berlin Wall,” which was built to keep people in the Communist East Germany. If Mexico experienced Communist evil, I’m sure we’d have our arms open, as we do with Cubans escaping Fidel Castro. But the problems we face with illegal immigration affect millions of Americans, and politicians should not be pandering to gain the Latino votes at the expense of our immigration system’s integrity and American jobs. Sure, some of the opponents of illegal immigrants are racist, but they are a small minority.

    The solution is that all illegals currently in the United States should be offered amnesty, precisely for the reasons mentioned above when I argued against rounding up and deporting 10 million people. This amnesty should not come free: there should be a fine after a certain number of years. However, ones who have been convicted of felonies should be deported. Citizenship should be earned, not given. Good moral character and English speaking ability, amongst others.

  19. isaac

    September 22, 2010 at 7:32 am

    your gay

  20. ...

    September 23, 2010 at 10:59 am

    Your gay? Really? Your? And that’s your insult?

  21. Kalli

    February 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Don’t be a racist!