The secret diary of a bid girl

By on February 3, 2010

Submitted by Anonymous

This semester I decided to rush a sorority.

I had previously never been interested whatsoever in Greek life, but I was looking for something different this semester, and I figured you can never have too many friends, plus community service always looks good on a résumé.

Going to the Greek kickoff, I didn’t really know what to expect.  I had never thought of myself as what can arguably be described as the stereotypical “sorority girl” that is portrayed in television and movies, although here at QU, I never got the impression they were really like that.  All the cheering and singing was a bit overwhelming.

The presidents of each fraternity and sorority made a speech to the crowd of existing members and interested newcomers, and I was surprised to hear how much being a part of something “bigger than themselves” really changed their lives.  I was perfectly content with my college experience thus far, but I began to wonder if I too should become a member of this life-changing program.

Two nights later the first round began, and I can honestly say I have never talked so much in my entire life.  I was very confused about the way a group of nearly 100 girls from four different sororities could make a decision about what type of person I am based on three different girls talking to me for five minutes.  How could they possibly know my character or my values from such a short interaction?  This completely baffled me.

Although everyone says to “go in with an open mind,” I already knew which sorority I wanted to be in if I got a bid.  Talking with women in the other three sororities, it made me take a step back and rethink what I wanted.  But in the end, I stuck with my gut instinct.  This raises an intriguing question:  Why is it that women interested in a sorority must rush all four, whereas men interested in a fraternity can choose which one they want to rush and only go to that fraternity’s events?  I’m sure there is a perfectly logical explanation for this, however, going through the process and coming out on the other side still wanting to rush my original choice is frankly a waste of time.  Perhaps the answer is that the higher-ups want to offer the women a variety of choices in order to make an informed decision, which is fair.  In that regard, it works well for those who don’t have a clue what they want.  I would’ve just liked the opportunity to choose only one sorority, the one I had originally wanted all along.

Another minor issue I had with the recruitment process was the fact that one of the sororities doesn’t accept juniors or seniors due to their program and how they want to develop their members (or something to that effect).  I suppose that is fair, but then why bother making the juniors and seniors meet with women from that sorority?  They shouldn’t have to get their hopes up for a sorority that was never going to consider them in the first place.

Going along with this point, the entire time I had the distinct feeling that being judged like this (and possibly rejected) reminded me of being a contestant in a popularity contest.  The fact that we all get judged by people, more specifically hundreds of people, who don’t even know us is rather unsettling.  Of course, once you know that you have received a bid, you feel like one of the cool kids.  Don’t take this the wrong way: I say this as someone who luckily did receive a bid and genuinely feel badly for those who really wanted it and didn’t get it.  I just wasn’t a fan of the process.

The line of women waiting to accept or reject their bid might be the worst part of this weekend.  Not only are you full of anticipation waiting to see if your first choice wanted you too, but the waiting was positively endless.  I have never been in a line so long.  There has to be a more efficient way to go about the process that would make it easier for those giving the bids, and those waiting to receive.

I ended up getting the bid from my second choice, and was very disappointed as a result.  But after taking some time to really think about it, I decided that for me the pros outweigh the cons and I am going to go through with it.  I’m glad I went through this experience, and I really hope that I am making the right decision.  At the very least I won’t have to look back and wonder “what if.”

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4 Comments

  1. concerned sister

    February 3, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    I just want to say that this so called “rush” you so kindly talk about takes a lot more time and effort than you think. For one thing, recruitment is 10x more stressful to all the initiated sisters than you make it seem. And believe it or not, you as a PNM, judge us as much as you say we judge you. Finally, I just want to say that joining a sorority is a CHOICE. If you don’t like how we do recruitment or even what sorority you chose, then simply don’t join any of our phenomenal Greek organizations.

  2. QU Non-Greek

    February 4, 2010 at 2:37 am

    First of all, you judged the sororities just as they were judging you. You had your list of what sororities you wanted by your judging of them. Also, I doubt that they judge you on just what you say in your convos with the few girls of the sorority. They probably watch you and your interactions with others and such. Granted the bid night may not be the best. But when you are going for an organization that is selective you have to expect rejection. Just as if you were trying out for a sports team and got cut.

    As for the one sorority not accepting juniors/seniors. If you are a senior and you’re just trying to rush now. They want sisters who will be around for a while not just in for a short period and leave. That’s they’re choice. That’s one of the things they are looking for in candidates is freshmen and sophomores.

    Also, didn’t this way for the sororities work out better for you? After all, you in essence got rejected from your top choice but were accepted to your second. You’re increasing your chances of getting accepted to a sorority. Where as guys are putting it all on one.

    Most of all, if you don’t like the way it’s done then do it. It’s that simple. Nobody is forcing you to, it’s your choice. And as to wondering “what if”. You have to look on your past with no regrets. What’s meant to be is meant to be.

  3. Steff Annunziata

    February 4, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I can fully appreciate what it is you’re trying to do here – documenting an experience that not everyone at Quinnipiac gets to participate in is definitely a worthwhile and newsworthy endeavor. However, the cynicism with which you approached this topic is highly concerning.

    Although joining a fraternity or a sorority is similar to joining a sports team – it requires commitment and a level of dedication not necessary for participation in other organizations – there is also a different kind of commitment that I fear you’re not prepared to uphold. Inherent in Greek life are secrets and rituals that have been passed down for generations. These honored traditions are at the core of what each chapter stands for and I feel as though this aspect of sorority life has not yet earned your consideration. Sure the recruitment process is highly structured and can be easily described as inefficient – but I believe that in this situation the end justifies the means. Your frustration with the lengthy process is definitely something I can sympathize with – but I fear that submitting an article anonymously is not on par with the level of discretion certain aspects of sorority life require.

    Before you continue on with your sorority experience, I implore you to reevaluate the reasons you decided to join a Greek organization. Truly consider if you’re up to the challenge of upholding ideals, maintaining traditions and keeping secret the rituals that are so valuable to the ladies you now call your sisters. I would be extremely disheartened to find that your desire to continue as a member of Greek life was driven by a penchant for investigative journalism rather than a genuine desire to participate in all that comes with a membership in a sorority.

    Please think about what your next moves will be – as of Monday you are no longer making decisions just for yourself but for the betterment of your entire chapter. Do the right thing.

  4. Surprised

    November 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    I have to say, I was honestly seeking out information about a sorority from an unbiased perspective; I’ve been friends with sorority members, I’ve known awful people who were sorority members. I recently have found that I have more free time to give to an organization, and thought that a sorority could be worthwhile.

    However, after seeing how these people responded to you-how they essentially attacked you for you opinions-you have convinced that NO sorority is the right choice for my personality. I have always valued a personal, honest opinion, and I felt that you gave that. Any organization, or person, that can’t take a little criticism really needs to evaluate how seriously it takes itself. Such a shame. I hope that you enjoy your experience, and thank you for your honesty.