It’s thyme to stop farming

By on October 14, 2009

Do you want to have control back in your life? Do you want to make a difference in the world? Then put the plow down.

When I walk into the Arnold Bernhard Library, I expect to see a bunch of diligent college students rustling about their pages of “War and Peace.” Instead, I see a group of rice paddy farmers harvesting eggplants on a virtual 3×3 green square just about as real as the grass on the Quad.

We can owe this corruption of our youth’s productivity to FarmVille, a Facebook game application that implants the minds of brainless drones to think they can harvest anything from a pineapple to a hot air balloon. Both of which aren’t even found on farms.

In case you have a life, the game consists of buying products from a market. Coins received from harvesting these products can be used to buy more junk or to send gifts to a friend’s farm so the player can advance a level; all the while, notifying everyone on Facebook that you wasted two valuable seconds of your life and mine.

If our generation really wants to know what farm life is like, they should go read some George Orwell, or visit the Amish, or do something productive with their lives instead of intoxicating themselves with childish nonsense.

Hence, FarmVille is a gateway game. Next thing you know, you’ll be into even worse games that result in the death of brain cells needed to function socially. You might even try World of Warcraft, because come on now, who are we fooling, it’s the same concept.

By all means, if you’re going to play a video game, play a real video game, not one that makes Frogger on Dreamcast look like advanced technology. And no, that new aquarium game on Facebook does not count either. And don’t even mention Vampire Wars because the vampire trend is dead. Literally. Sorry, Edward.

And to make matters worse, FarmVille addicts have created their own slang lingo. A ‘farmvillionaire,’ according to Urban Dictionary is “someone who has over a million coins in FarmVille,” while I call this person someone who has way too much time on his hands. A ‘farmvillain’ nonetheless, is “a neighbor in the game who repeatedly does not return your favors and gifts.”

Dear Lost Soul, I think the real reason they aren’t returning your gifts is because they’ve woken up and realized that in the real world coins and EXP points don’t correlate with GPAs.

If you or someone you know is suffering from this farm fixation, there is still hope. But ultimately, the first step to curtailing a FarmVille addiction is admitting you have a problem. Besides, your parents aren’t paying $40,000 a year for you to harvest a digital squash. Admit it; you know you need help when you tell your roommate, “No man, I can’t go out tonight, I have to sell off this crop so I can finish petting my pig.”

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