Dear Alicia

By on February 27, 2008

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we’re starting to go through a rough patch. We’ve been arguing a lot lately and it seems that it always has to do with not being able to see each other. He goes to school about 2 hours away and one of us always has something going on during the weekends so we don’t end up seeing each other. How can I make sure my relationships continues to work?

From relationship unsure


Dear relationship unsure,

Any long distance relationship is hard, no matter if you are two hours away or around the world. The only way it is going to work is if you both put everything you have into it and you both really want to.

I am definitely the right person to answer this question. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and three of those years have been long distance. We went from an hour and a half apart when I went to college, to 12 hours apart when he joined the military, to now an 8 hour time difference, since he is over seas.

Rough patches are bound to happen. Chris and I went through many of them. At the beginning we hated being away from each other and when I started getting busy at school and had to be productive during the weekends, Chris got angry. He understood but felt like it wasn’t fair to our relationship. We definitely needed to compromise a few things, which is my suggestion to you.

Compromise is key, especially to help the fighting stop. Fights lead to doubt and that can make the fights even worse. Try to understand why the both of you are fighting and start to see if the fights are even worth it. I have realized that most fights are definitely not worth it because fighting does not solve anything. The only way to solve problems is to communicate to each other how you both are feeling. Be honest and straight forward with your boyfriend and make sure he is too.

All relationships need compromise, but a long distance relationship also needs patience. It definitely gets frustrating that you don’t get to see your boyfriend all the time, but such is life. You are both getting your education and doing what is best for your futures. Just because your college paths have made you two hours apart does not mean that your relationship is doomed. Have patience. If you feel that your relationship is worth the wait; then wait it out.

It is difficult to wait. I remember watching couples on campus walking hand in hand or giving each other a kiss before class. I once thought to myself that I wanted to be able to do that, but then I remember that I would rather be with Chris then getting a kiss before class. If you feel like this, then remember, you are happy with your boyfriend and the only reason why you are fighting with him is because you miss him. And same probably goes for him.


About Alicia Staffa