Sliding into home

By on September 19, 2007

I’m not sure if it’s a matter of who stole the bases, but I am curious to find where exactly second and third have gone.

My elemental knowledge of baseball and slightly more enthusiastic understanding of intimacy have led me to believe that there is an arranged procession that has to do with any attempt at a home run.

For most of us, high school had to do with exchanging numbers or screen names, and physical action would take place after a few basement movie dates and late night phone chats. You would get to know this person pretty well. It is then that the first pitch is thrown in the great American Pastime: foreplay.

First base, generally meaning kissing would happen pretty much immediately. Second, touching above the waist, would be on route soon as well. Third, oral action, would take some time and consideration. Then a few weeks if not months later fourth or a home run would be scored with actual intercourse.

All of these actions would arise in a particular order depending on how the emotional relationship was evolving. He or she was most likely your boyfriend or girlfriend or close to becoming. The true matter at hand is the way college has distorted, condensed, reversed, or erased this World Series of events.

In many cases today (or tonight) this initial attraction might somehow allude to immediate physical action and whether or not a person is willing to saddle up the horse that first night; many of us feel as if we are expected to.

For someone who has recently gotten out of a 2 1/2 year relationship that started in high school, observing these events can be quite disturbing. It leads a girl to question the motives behind every charming glance, and the fate of college relationships in general. If we are forced to get to know a person only after physical relations, where will that leave us? Awaiting a phone call, a text, or face book poke? And how many of these after-party situations will we co-eds have to go through until we find compatibility? Then again, maybe ignoring the rituals in general will better prepare us for adult-hood relations, or at least Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw’s version of it.

For now it’s safe to assume that it is more attractive to both sexes to get involved with someone who is harder to bed.

Chivalry might have died out a bit, in exchange for gelled hair, new haircuts, and pink polos, but it’s to my surprise how many things aren’t even worth dinner at a nice restaurant, or takeout from Tonino’s for that matter.


About Alexandria Hoff