Hot off the Press

By on February 1, 2006

We’ve all done it. Fallen head over heels for Mr. or Ms. Wrong. A physically or emotionally unavailable, ‘what was I thinking’ member of the opposite sex.

But what if you and the person you fell for shared not only your music and movie tastes, but your sexual preference as well?

These days, with society’s open minds, arms, and hearts come open doors. Closet doors, that is. Same-sex relationships are so prevalent these days that it’s in to be out.

And this may be easier to handle when it’s a co-worker or best friend coming out about their fuzzy feelings, but what about when it’s someone you hoped to spend the rest of your life with, romantically?

It’s possible, especially in college, to find out a guy or girl you’ve been intimate with realizes they love their gender just as much as you do. But, this discovery by no means has any reflection on you. You cannot ‘turn’ someone gay; it is a pre-determined part of their make-up that some don’t discover or come out about until they’re fully ready.

When finding out your partner is homosexual, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Just as you’d want any friend to be there for you when you poured your heart out, it’s necessary not to get upset or angry at your loved ones’ personal choice, no matter how shocked or confused you are.

Dealing with a situation when you want what you can’t have in a literal sense is incredibly frustrating. It makes you want to do everything in your power to alter the facts so things could go your way. And in a perfect world, we would have every person and item we wanted in the snap of a finger. But, in reality, let down and disappointments are just one of life’s little road bumps, and learning to deal with them only makes us stronger and better equipped for future predicaments.

As hard as it may be to see the upside, you should feel flattered that he or she feels comfortable enough to share this information with you. Try to understand their struggle and possible embarrassment about the subject. The last thing he or she wants to do is hurt you, especially when it’s clear that mutual strong feelings exist. Thanking them for opening up to you and having a candid discussion may help you understand what they are going through.

It might help to discuss how you want to go about your future communication with each other. Since technically your reason for breaking up is beyond control, you may decide you’d rather be friends than nothing at all.

Whether it means some time apart to adjust to the information, or possibly the yearning desire to be a shoulder to lean on 24/7, try different ways you can utilize the positive aspects of your relationship.

Just as with any ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, chances are you wouldn’t share each other’s latest sexual encounters, so it’s perfectly appropriate to keep privacy the best policy when dealing with tales of each other’s bedroom adventures. However, just because they’re not discussed doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Be sure to remind yourself that once someone states their case, they don’t ‘change their mind’. This can be incredibly frustrating especially when you seem to click in every other way. If you continue platonic dating, remember that’s exactly what it is. Don’t let yourself get hyped into thinking nothing will change between you two. It has to, but surrounding yourself with friends and family, talking about your feelings, and getting back in the dating game are great ways to help you cope.


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