Embrace those midnight snacks/dinners…every last one of them

By on November 9, 2005

It’s 1:05 a.m. I am in bed trying to sleep and I suddenly get this horrible feeling in my stomach. Am I nervous about a test I have tomorrow? No, school never really gives me the butterflies.

Am I finally realizing that my life is going in a downward spiral and I will soon have a diploma and living in my parents’ house the rest of my life? No, I don’t think so. I really don’t worry too much about the future. This feeling just won’t go away.

Finally it hits me: I’m hungry. It’s the middle of the night and I’m going to the fridge; welcome to my life.

Freshman year came and went, but no extra 15 pounds. Sophomore year was a success in the physique department maintaining my same weight. Then something happened: I never became full. Most people eat three meals a day with a snack or two mixed in. I think I am hovering around the five meals per day plan, with snacks at 20 minute intervals. Somebody help, call Overeaters anonymous. Create an intervention. Contact the National Guard. All I know is something is very wrong when I start numbering my meals (i.e. lunch number two is at 7:30 pm, just after dinner).

There used to be a time when food and those Busch light’s would come and go leaving my body in the same shape it found it. But now, as if taking a page from the Christopher Columbus playbook, they decided to hang around for the long haul as unwanted visitors. I was I was a girl, at least then I could pretend to be pregnant for awhile and justify the amount of food I eat.

Now I know what you are thinking; this kid is gross. Or, just stop eating. I wish it were so simple. The funny thing is, you are most likely an over-eater yourself, and you are the worst kind. You are the kind who doesn’t know you are an over-eater. How then, do you judge what just a “midnight snack” is and what constitutes as having a problem? Lucky for you, I am experienced in this field and can give you some sure fire signs to signal an over-eater. You are an over-eater if.

You are already thinking of your next meal while you are still eating your current one.

You think it is ok to melt cheese on a bagel with pepperoni and BBQ sauce at 3 am and then justify it by saying, “I always eat bagels in the morning.”

You start combining healthy food with crap to make yourself feel good (i.e. two cheeseburgers, fries, cheesecake and oh yeah a salad).

You stand sideways in the mirror and hold in your gut proclaiming “I look good”

You do 17 sit-ups and 22 pushups following a meal then state “I just worked off those dozen tacos I ate.

You seriously consider eating your right hand, but then remember that you need something to butter your bagel with in ten minutes.

It’s a crazy mixed up world out there and the last thing we should be worrying about is what kind of food we are going to make while watching Carson Daly shamelessly try and tell jokes at 2:30 in the morning. These are just a few of the hundreds of warning signs that signal over-eating.

As a community, we must bind together and form a coalition. I am here to tell you, do not be ashamed. In fact, be proud. It takes a real person to look food in the face and declare their love for that feeling that only food can give you. So while doctors try and cure important things like Gingivitis, Genital Herpes and that pesky cauliflower ear, we will be the ones really suffering.

But next time it is approaching midnight and you are starting on your third dinner, pause for a minute and think of me. Then eat that make-shift meal and smile knowing that I am doing the exact same thing but in bigger proportions.


About Mike Camerlengo