Hot off the Press

By on February 9, 2005

If we can’t have pizza without crust, why are we so quick to have a relationship without friendship? A saucy romance with steaming, hot intimacy sounds great, but seems to be missing something important. It’s like the no-carb diet for dating.

While many may agree that a vital part of a romantic relationship is in fact a friendship, few take the time to build one and quickly jump to the next level. Although a close camaraderie may certainly be formed after a couple becomes physical or romantic, the difference in courtship and motives is evident.

It may not be an exactly measured recipe, but the main ingredients for a complete relationship seem to be threefold: connection that is mental, emotional and physical. However, discovering someone with the triple-threat is about as easy to find as a parking spot at the mall during holiday season in December. But it’s not impossible. Every so often, one becomes available that seems to work out well. Even then, in most cases you’ll have to do a little walking.

First, a heaping of a mental connection. This is often overlooked when meeting someone because majority of the people we fall for begin as a physical attraction. Clearly, if you noticesomeone across the room at a party, you’re more likely to undress them with your eyes than visualize a stimulating conversation about a good read. How often do you hear, “Hey, you look like you have a great personality, let’s get coffee,” as a pick up line? Because the outside is all we can see, it takes much more effort to find out what a person has to offer on a deeper level. Taking this extra step is vital if you’re serious about getting to know someone. In a relationship of substance, it’s necessary for a couple to be able to discuss their views on serious topics such as love, life, people, politics and literature, just as they should be able to have a heated debate over a top movie choice or a silly catch phrase. Ultimately, finding you are both on the same page can be the most significant ingredient. You’re unique in your love for French fries with mayonnaise, the electric slide and Will Ferrell movies. If you can share those random diversions with someone you may have yourself a great companion who just “gets you.”

An in-depth conversation can be incredibly rewarding and a major turn-on in discovering how people feel.

Next, a dollop of an emotional connection.Talking can be very sexy. It enables you to be vulnerable on a one-on-one basis, while still remaining fully clothed. This allows a couple to share what’s on their minds and in their hearts, while being able to see how the other reacts to various feelings. It’s comforting when a person with whom you’ll be spending much of your time with will be there through sunshine and rain. This is just a matter of respect which is necessary in any type of relationship. Whether playing a game of beer pong or dealing with a death in the family, it’s important to know someone is on your side.

It’s easy to enjoy a person during the good times, but it’s the one who will support, encourage and stand by you during all times that matters.

Lastly, a physical connection. This is key because it allows people to connect in an intimate way that is sacred for just those two people at that time. Even though the same conversation topic can be carried differently amongst different people, it’s possible to have many emotional and mental contenders in a monogamous relationship. This means being physically intimate is the one opportunity for a couple to express themselves on the most private level, and may be a deciding factor in sustaining a couple-hood.

Passion and romance are the two things that make a dating relationship different from an ordinary friendship, and they are extra special when shared with someone who is a true friend. But, in order to raise the bar from friend to lover there must be a physical attraction. It’s very possible that a fabulous conversation or a great day of spit ball competitions with your ‘buddy’ may allow you to see them in a new light, which is often inevitable when you bond in every other way. With the strong comfort a secure friendship brings, being physical may seem to be a lot less pressure than one may feel when making a move on someone they hardly know.

A sincere friendship is wonderful. A mental and emotional connection is sometimes stronger than a physical one, and should be cherished. However, if you’re able to find a friend who you enjoy spending time with, who makes you laugh, stands by you unconditionally and can hold a substantial conversation, you will have a recipe for success. With the physical attraction included in the mix, you’ll most likely find yourself licking your lips for more.


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