She said; He said

By on April 8, 2004

Dear Ricky & Shelly –

I have been in a relationship for about two and a half years. When we are together, everything is really great; we have a great time talking, hanging out and messing around. However, whenever we are not together, our relationship is all but great; we fight, we bicker and I swear she wants nothing more to make my life miserable. My friends, and even parents, tell me that a college student, this is the time in my life when I should be having fun and enjoying myself but I can’t with her. On one hand, I want to stay with her, as we are very comfortable. On the other, I want to be happy and have fun. What should I do?
— Comfortably Torn

Dear Comfortably Torn,

You know what you should do! Happiness is the key to life. If you are already tied down with the ol’ ball and chain, you might not have much to look forward to.
I don’t know what you expected me to tell you, but your parents and friends are right. College is the time to have fun and to enjoy all it has to offer. Having a weight such as a relationship that is in constant turmoil may not be your ideal of fun. So make a quick decision that will encourage your contentment.
It is truly special that you and your girlfriend feel so close and comfortable together. But is that enough to make you endure these troubles? If you are interested in working on the relationship; I would support your decision. Your character is one of utmost quality to want to hold on and see if minor adjustments will bring out the best of your relationship. But if not, it is time to move on. She isn’t your common room futon; she is your girlfriend! Not made just to be comfortable, but you two are suppose to coexist in (relative) harmony.
I am glad that the two of you have a sense of humor, you can hang out, and make-out well together. Only you can really answer the question, how much longer can you tolerate your situation? I think you deserve to have fun, but realize you will be doing that minus her, if you end this. You can have either choice, so make you decision. The only option not acceptable is regret. Choose Wisely!
Best of Luck,

Comfortably Torn,
I love it when people write in, and in the course of asking their question, actually answer it on their own. In this case Comfortably Torn, I think you have done just that. You are clearly not happy with this relationship. I wouldn’t even be friends with someone I described as trying to make my life miserable, let alone be in a serious relationship with them. What you need to do is wake up and realize that it’s ok to be uncomfortable.
Too often, people choose being miserable over being uncomfortable and I can’t understand it. I think that when people tell you that you should being having fun in college, too many of us assume that the statement has overtly sexual overtones. While I admit in most cases that assumption is true, if we take it at face value it holds a lot of truth. College is a time when you should be finding out what makes you happy and should try to eliminate as much as you can from your life that makes you unhappy.
In this vain, I’ll tell you what I think you already know, which is that you should move on if this relationship makes you miserable. I understand it’s hard to end something that has lasted so long, but no matter how daunting it may seem to be single, I assure you it’s better than a failing relationship. So take your own advice and do what you want, “be happy and have fun.”


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