She said; He said

By on April 1, 2004

Hey Ricky and Shelly-

I am a junior and have been living with the same girls since my freshman year.
Next year, I know we are suppose to move off campus, but there is just one roommate that none of us want to live with again. This roommate lies and steals from us, but she also has this tendency to flirt and try to get with all of our boyfriends or flings.
Things went terribly sour when my boyfriend told me that she tried to hook up with him. I am at a weird point right now, since my boyfriend cheated on me in the past, but I know she is lies.
Both are denying everything. So here are my questions, what should I do about my relationship with my boyfriend and what should I do with my roommate?

– Monkey in the Middle

Dear MM,

It sounds like to me you are having a few issues in trust. You have to pick the battles worth fighting for in life; in your situation I say choose wisely.
In listening to your problem, the thing that bothers me so much about your roommate is that you continue to put up with her disorderly conduct. Obviously, if no one wants to live with her, than why should any of you? This is not the instance where the girl’s boyfriend is over too much, or she is messy; no she cheats, steals and lies.
So why invite her to live with you? Your home should be your security. If living with another individual makes you feel insecure, than this is a downfall waiting to happen.
My advice to you, is to get the other roommates together and to tell her to get packing. Look for a more reliable roommate, or worst of all someone that is willing to share your apartment. Let’s face it, someone you may not know at all can be a better acquaintance than someone you know and cannot trust.
If you are honest to the fourth roommate, she will have to understand. Even if she does not understand, she will get over it probably when she gets another housing location.
Ok now issues with the boyfriend. He is scoring no points by being untrustworthy. His cheating in the past is exactly that, just history. If the two of you have agreed to never let another get in between you, than I would disregard any notion that your unloyal roommate and him were together. If you are getting the vibe that he is doing differently from what he says he is, than confront the issue.
Monkey, you have some major spring-cleaning to do.
It is time to oust the untrustworthy, and find those more reliable. It would help if these new individuals were not liars, stealer, and cheaters.

Best of Luck,


It sounds like you have a few questions here, so I will start with the easiest answer first.
Regarding your living situation for next year, I think that if you and your other roomates feel like the “problem roomate” is really not someone you care to live with next year, take the steps to make sure that she does not, but do it soon so that you are not hanging her out to dry.
You absolutely do not want to be living off campus with someone you ca not stand. The possibility of conflict grows exponentially when rent, trash, and cable bills are thrown into the mix.
As for the other part of your question, I think the best thing to do would be to have some trust in your boyfriend. The relationship will eventually fail if you do not ever trust him, so maybe this is a good test for you two. He did come to you and tell you what was going on without trying to hide it, and as you said yourself, your roomate is a flirt which he can’t help.
It seems like you have been burned in the past by this guy, but if you want to make it work you are going to have to trust him sooner or later. All you will do is drive yourself crazy thinking of scenarios that the two of them may be hiding from you.
Let it go for now, and focus on being with him. I hope that he proves to be trustworthy.

Good Luck- Ricky


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