She said; He said

By on February 19, 2004

Dear Shelly and Ricky,

This weekend was Valentine’s Day and this was one of the worst ones yet. I thought I was going to spend it with that special someone, but a few days before Saturday he started acting really weird. We have been getting really close for a while, but then he just put up this wall. The day before he called me up and just started fighting with me and we ended it that morning. My question to you is, what would make a guy suddenly stop liking you. Was it something I did or it is his issue?

-Lost My Valentine

Dear Lost,

I could not give you reason of your interest’s shadiness. I mean there are a million possible reasons for the breakup. What did you two argue about? Was it really the grounds of your split? Or was it the usual petty issue, which people use as an excuse to bail. It is just a thought!
I am not a guy and I cannot think like a guy; but I am sure Ricky will be brutally honest with you for the possible reasons your man ran at the speed of lightning.
I have noticed college men (the ones that come to school single that is) have no interest in commitment. Do you blame them? Why “pay” for it when you get it for free?
I am not cynical; I spent my Valentine’s at a dance club on a Singles night. I am an eyewitness to this promiscuity.
Being in college, and relationships are a trial and error reoccurring event, I will share with you some the common excuses, when they do not work.
The top 5 possible reasons for your split are as follows; 1) You were smothering, 2) he has a fear of commitment 3) either one of you wants to be single 4) there were mixed signals – the relationship should have not progressed 5) or there is someone else in the picture. These are my best guesses; take which one is least painful.
But maybe instead of asking us (in public media) ask him. The answer might hurt, but it is better than wasting your time worrying. I hope your valentine next year is more dependable than this one!

Best of Luck,

Dear Lost,

I am going to be blunt and tell you what I think. Now, I will admit that I could be completely wrong about this situation, but I can only tell you what I think, and allow you to decide for yourself if it makes sense.
I am going to assume that you and this guy have been hooking up and thats what you mean by saying “we have been getting really close.” I do not think I am going out on a limb by saying that some guys are only interested in that facet of a relationship, and really dont want anything more.
Unfortunately, the lengths to which some of us will go to get what we want sometimes involve saying and doing things we do not really mean or feel. This works for a guy only up until the point where the girl wants to officially change the nature of the relationship and “get serious.” At this point, the guy may feel that the benefits no longer outweight the hassle and he’ll disassociate himself from the girl.
I think this is what happened to you. It seems as though your guy, up against the wall of Valentine’s Day, decided that the hassle of it no longer outweighed the benefits of being with you. The easiest way to accomplish that is to start a fight and have it end quickley. This way he does not have to be honest and tell you that he never really wanted a realtionship in the first place, and you will chalk it up to something being wrong with you, as many girls seemingly do.
Let me just tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, this is definately his issue. I am willing to wager he never wanted anything more than what he got from you, and when the V-Day stuff came up and he got the impression you might get too attached, he bailed.
Yes, I am cynical, but also realistic. I hope that next Valentines Day you truly find a special someone to share it with.
~ Ricky


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