She said, He said

By on September 25, 2003

Dear Shelly and Ricky-

I have a problem. I have been going out with my boyfriend for the past year, but I have been carrying around a huge secret. The truth is i have recently made the choise to come out. I have been hooking up with my best girlfriend for the last three months and I think I am in love with her. How do I tell my boyfriend and let my best friend know I think she is the one?

— hiding and confused

Dear H & C,

You might have a few problems to face if you are confusing the roles of your best friend and boyfriend. The fact you can anonymously talk to us about this and not either your boyfriend or your best friend, may mean you have a few things to sort out on your own.
If you think you are really interested in your best friend and you might be gay, confess to the people whos live you will be affecting. Maybe your current boyfriend will be supportive but my guess is, he will probably be devastated. Do realize this is your life and you need to make yourself happy, but you can no longer drag him with you in this lie.
How do you tell your best friend she is now the person you want to spend your days and nights with on a more intimate level? Well if she is showing you some gay tendencies herself, then she should understand where you are coming from. Have the conversation with her and tell her you are now put in a crossroads in which you need to make a decision. If not as anything more, as a friend she should be supportive in your decision to ‘come out’ and be honest.
What you are feeling right now may be what you are honestly feeling and it is time to be true to yourself. Do realize some of your relationships may be awkward at first, these friends and boyfriend might need some time to understand your position and to accept the new you. Then again maybe not. You may have done a wonderful job being what you once were, straight. The truth is, every friend I have had that has come out to me, I had a prior suspicions!
Best of Luck & may you now find true love,

Whoa there H & C!

You are going to have to be straightforward (no pun intended) with your boyfriend ASAP. If you truly are not interested in a heterosexual relationship, then do not string him along.
Also, I would be very surprised if he was caught completely off guard by the news. After all, if you ca not tell your girlfriend has lesbian urges, you have failed not only yourself, but all men.
In all seriousness, you owe it to him to be honest and he will have to understand. As for your “best girlfriend,” I am not so sure putting the word “love” into the equation quite yet is a good thing. I am by no means an expert in these matters, but I have to believe because the switch from straight to lesbian might at first be based in sexual desire, confusing lust with love would be an easy thing to do.
I would hope even if you no longer have sexual feelings for your boyfriend, you would at least need some time to sort things out after a break up. Take things slow, the decisions you are making are probably some of the most important ones you will make in your life. There is no need to hurry into a new relationship even if you feel like you should. I think some time alone would be extremely valuable. Just do not burn your bridges with the boyfriend, I have a feeling you will be wanting good friends around in case things get confusing.



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