Dear Shelly

By on April 16, 2003

Dear Shelly,

I am stuck in a messy situation. I had a short-lived relationship with a great girl last year. It basically ended because of her, but I was really interested in her at the time. Since then, I have moved on and found someone new. This lady also has many fine qualities about her, but I am just getting to know her. Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as this new prospect enters the picture, lady no. 1 wants to get back in the picture. She claims she didn’t know I was involved with someone else. So what can I do?

-Stuck between Two

Dear Stuck,

I have to laugh at your situation because fate has played you for a fool. It took you some time to get over lady no. 1, and now it seems like she is ready for you.

I would evaluate her motives. Was she really clueless that you have moved on and found someone new or could this be her twisted way of pursuing the chase? If she was a jealous person, I would reconsider revisiting the past. If she disposed of you once, she has some practice, and can do it again.

Maybe this is not a crime! The first lady may just realize you two are meant to be. But now you are occupied. After you tell her of your new involvement with another, she should step off. She should understand to some degree that she has missed her chance with you, and now it is her turn to get over you.

Fate is complicated like that. When you least expect it, it nabs you in the rear. You and lady no. 1 are still young. If it was meant to be, it will happen.

But the real question is what happens if you want it to happen sooner rather than later? This is a weighted decision on your part. If you discard the later lady, you loose all chances with her in the future. The old saying goes, “There is no wrath like a woman scorned.” Once lady no. 2 realizes she was dumped for an old flame, you are done.

In any relationship we involve ourselves in, we always take this risk that our, or our partner’s past will haunt the current relationship. There is never any prevention of the ex card being slapped down in our face.

If a partner remotely mentions the ex and the two of them aren’t best friends by now, then forget it! The current relationship is as good as burned.

It does not matter if you, the current partner, surpasses the ex in all areas. Present cannot compete with history.

So my dear Stuck, I am sorry to say that you have some decisions to make. Every decision should be made with your heart, and such decisions should not be influenced by the past experience. You might be more compatible with one lady than the other.

I always pull for the underdog, and in this case, I don’t know if you have given your present lady a fair shot. I personally recommend going with the new. The old ended for a reason. Whatever that reason is, it will resurface soon enough.

This new territory still has to be explored and it would be a tragedy to end an opportunity before it began. Except in one case: if lady no. 2 is a complete clone of your old flame. If this is the case, you were just looking for a substitute.

Whatever the situation may be, remember to be genuine. By no means do you have an easy decision to make, but there is no need to shatter hearts in route.

Best of Luck!



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