Dear Shelly

By on April 10, 2003

Dear Shelly,

My friends have brought it to my attention that I fall for the same type of guy every time! My friends say I fall for jerks, but I think it has more to do with physical appearance – dark hair and dark eyes. Does this mean something if none of these prior pursuits have amounted to anything?

~Stuck on the Same

Dear Stuck,

Are you really worried? I believe there is at least one billion men on this Earth that may fit that description. I would not worry if you have a preference in men, in this sense men are like many objects we group together.

You know your first choice when it comes to types of movies to rent, stores to shop in and your ultimate favorite type of ice cream. So it is not uncommon to favor an athlete over a couch potato, a musician over a politician or a naturalist over a realist.

Honestly, it would be unnatural not to have a preference, or this would be a sign you are not being exposed at all. Now is the time to experiment – even at Quinnipiac, where the student body is more similar than diverse. Try to meet different types of people and you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

But what your friends might be trying to make you see is that you fall into a pattern when it comes to relationships. One only knows how to act in a relationship based on past experiences. If you have been treated badly in a past relationship, you might blindly believe this is what a relationship is founded on.

If this is your current situation, take it slow and reevaluate. You do not necessarily have to compare this current relationship to those failures of the past. But if you find yourself ending relationships because of the same rationale as last time (or the last two or three relationships) then the sirens should sound. You are falling into a black hole and only by recognizing this tendency can you pull yourself out of this repetitive design.

Some of us go to college to become trained professionals in fields where we want to help mankind. These four years of education are an all around learning experience. We will learn valuable life skills, including those to accept and cooperate with others.

In relationships we should learn that we are only as strong as our own weakness and because we put up with another’s inadequacies, does not make an individual stronger. You can be a good friend, and help another in trouble. But you can never proceed with your own life if you are a crutch for another.

Do what makes you happy. If you have a specific preference for dark haired athletes, then to the gym! If you are looking for a relationship or an encounter to amount to anything, stop looking for the one type. Let the variety of the male species cross your path in life.

Best of Luck~



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