Survival tips for long distance love

By on November 21, 2002

So you’ve finally found the perfect companion and are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like the luckiest person alive. This person is everything you’ve looked for in a partner and you always want to be with him or her.
The only problem is that there are miles and miles in between the two of you.
Long distance relationships are not easy, but it is important to keep in mind that there are no rules. Each person and relationship is different and what works for one may not suit another.
Always be sure that you are staying with a person for the right reasons and not because it is a comfort zone. If the good outweighs the bad and a strong bond exists, a long distance relationship is worth the feat.
Succeeding may be a challenge at times, but the reward is greater than the risk.
General themes of sustaining a long distance relationship are trust, communication and understanding.
Relationships require time love and patience and being away from a person makes sustaining a relationship difficult. There are no guarantees, so it takes a joint effort to make things work.
Long distance relationships are not impossible. Sophomore, Josh Danzig had a girlfriend who went to high school a few hours away while he was at college.
“I think [long distance relationships] can work, just depending on whether or not both people want it to and are willing to make it work,” said Danzig. ” The most important factor by far is trust. Without that, you got nothing, and just communication not excessive, but good amount of it.”
Anything can happen if two people truly want a bond to develop and no distance is too great to keep the two people from being close at heart.
“If there’s a will, there’s a way. It takes two to make a relationship work,” said senior Jason Gersten.
Couples must communicate an understanding of what both partners desire in order to develop a healthy relationship.
Trust is the most important issue when dealing with distance, because it is geographically impossible to see the person every day and check up on his or her every action.
Gersten said he trusts his girlfriend, because she has never given him a reason not to. Many heart-to-heart discussions and open communication has led Gersten and his girlfriend to produce a healthy, honest and meaningful relationship.
Verbal communication will give both partners a clear understanding of each other. Knowing boundaries and respecting each other is also another very important part of a relationship.
Each person has a different definition of faithfulness, and determining your partner’s viewpoint is vital.
“Communication is very important,” said freshman Danielle Turner.
When concerns or doubts arise, talking it out instead of lashing out will help the friendship and romance remain strong.
A big part of the situation is the separation anxiety that comes with the distance. Often the love is so strong that some people have difficulty dealing with it. Emotions of loneliness and lovesickness may occur.
Fighting with your partner over petty details is a common solution to make the distance seem easier. This is done out of frustration when the situation of distance is uncontrollable.
The mind set of ‘I can’t miss them if I’m mad at them,’ becomes an easy defense mechanism. Detachment by choice allows people to set themselves up for disappointment by adjusting to the idea of breaking up, without having a reason for it.
It is especially trying if couples are used to seeing a lot of each other and then leave for college. Simple acts of cuddling, loving kisses, affection and enjoying each other’s company are limited.
“It so hard to deal with missing him, not being in his arms,” said Turner.
Instant gratification does not occur and when feeling the need for affection, the partner may feel lonely.
It is not easy to be away at school while maintaining a long distance relationship with a partner from home.
College is an adjustment within itself and balancing schoolwork, extracurricular activities, roommates, socializing and a long distance partner can be very overwhelming.
Freshman, Debra Vanderweit had a long distance relationship with her boyfriend who was also starting college.
“It just takes so much trust and patience, but both people must be willing to put effort into the relationship or it will fall apart,” said Vanderweit.
Evaluating the relationship’s commitment level plays a large role and often leads to feelings of being trapped or too serious. A person may feel apprehensive towards the responsibility of being depended on.
People often feel bound to a person if they have decided to maintain their couple-hood. Because long distance relationships include many sacrifices and struggles, staying together states that the partner is worth the feat.
Long distance relationships seem to have a high level of seriousness, because they are more risky and involve greater difficulty.
Therefore, pressures from peers and society may lead a couple to feel the need for a breather from the intensity others make of the long distance commitment.
Some couples choose to take a break for a trial period, hook up with other people while apart, making the relationship less exclusive.
These options work only if there is an existing problem. There is no rule that says couples will not survive distance and it is vital that they do not fix anything that is not broken.
These days, it is easy to keep in touch via telephone, cellular phone, e-mail, instant messenger and with frequent visits. To keep the magic alive, constantly remind each other how much you care to be invested in the relationship.
Although great love requires great risk, distance can be beneficial for couples. Distance may make a relationship stronger by testing the waters.
A familiar saying goes “if you love something let it go. If it comes back it’s yours and if not, it was never meant to be.”
Being apart allows a period of individual growth so that each person can become a strong individual.
Regardless of how each couple handles the distance, the entire situation is a great learning experience. Whether the relationship leads to marriage or ends in crumbles, the point is to know that you tried.
You cannot fail until you’ve given a solid effort, and nothing in life is handed on a silver platter. The path to the future is in your hands and your heart will lead the way.


About Jenn Press