Dear Shelly,

By on November 14, 2002

Dear Shelly,
My New Year’s resolution this past January was to work on my petrifying fear of commitment. It is now November and I do not think I have made any progress in this skill. I do not mind living the random encounter lifestyle occasionally, but I am noticing a change in myself. I am getting more frustrated at the end of each random interest. To make it worse, when I see couples walking hand in hand, I find myself getting upset and sighing. Shelly, what can I do?
-Non-committal in Carney

Dear Non-committal,
Whether you want to admit it or not, it sounds like you need a little dose of a more permanent loving.
I cannot tell when you are going to meet this fated soul, but together, we can check what signals you are sending to potential interests.
What types of people do you find attractive? Do you usually try to follow the fast-pace, spontaneous crowd?
Do you lust after this one amazing person that plays with someone else every weekend?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you may be giving the wrong vibes.
All the characters mentioned above might not have commitment on their top priority list.
Fitting into any of these previous scenarios is all fine and fun, but will not get you to relationship haven.
So let’s make sure you are sending the “I am available and relationship-worthy” signals.
It seems as though you have your own game because, you are attracting random interests. To make sure those interested are worth sticking around for, slow down a bit. Take time to get to know this person.
I recommend sharing a meal with your interest. You can learn a lot from a person who is a picky eater, or from those who douse their food with salt before tasting it.
Set some preliminary goals for yourself, but do not out right ask him or her for the answers.
If it takes three days of lengthy conversation to find out those answers to those mostly asked questions, then that should be an indication that this relationship will be a good one.
The best advice I can give to you, or any others with a similar issue, is to just relax and be yourself.
No matter how hard you try to shake off this person, the interested person will never leave you.
Good luck,


About defaultuser