Dear Shelly

By on October 24, 2002

Dear Shelly,
Last weekend my friends and I decided to participate in the age-old tradition of college hopping. On Saturday night my friends and I attended a Rugby party. At this party, I met an attractive film major. One thing led to another, and I ended up staying over. I have not talked to “Mr. Producer” since then, and I probably never will in the future. Does this one-night-stand make me a slut? Why in time of a dating dry spell, do I feel sorry about something that brought me enjoyment?

Distraught visiting Dartmouth

Dear Distraught,
So one night you go out looking for some fun or danger and you actually get it. What is wrong with this picture? The answer is nothing. How many hours do we primp ourselves before we go out, hoping to find a gorgeous model and seduce him? This time, darling, you hit the jackpot!
Now, to my understanding you slept with “Mr. Producer.” As long as you felt comfortable throughout the night, then look back on the night as a night of fun.
In meeting Mr. Producer, the thought must have crossed your mind that you could end up having sex with him. Your next thought must have been that there would be no strings attached.
But, if you had sex with him in hopes that this encounter would lead to more, then I am sorry that you did not see this coming.
Keep this rule of thumb: If the relationship came into your life quite easy, then it can leave you just as quickly.
Also, keep this thought in mind: Men are just as weirded out by one-night-stands as women are. They are probably wondering if you do this sort of thing all the time.
But let us discuss your feelings of guilt. It was good experience. I am hoping for your sake, protection was used.
What values are holding you back from your sexual liberation? Whatever values and beliefs you hold, have no fear. You have not done anything unforgivable. If you want to change your future behavior, you will remember this feeling the next time a similar opportunity arises.
Remember, having fun does not make you a slut! Remind yourself what you really are a young woman who is having a little (safe) fun. Now, there is something to be proud of!
Good luck,


About Karen Grennan