Dear Shelly

By on October 10, 2002

Dear Shelly,
I met this girl that I’m crazy about. We hang out a lot together and she is really great. I would normally be excited that this is the beginning of something great. However, there is one problem. She has a boyfriend. This boyfriend isn’t around a lot, but I know she cares for him. I don’t want to be a home wrecker, but I can tell by the way she looks at me that there is definitely a possibility of something happening. What should I do next? Thanks for being there, Shelly. I wonder if she’ll read this, and what she’s thinking…
Baffled in Bethlehem

Dear Baffled,
I feel for you. Many of times have we all been there, wanting to be with that special person, who could turn out to be your soulmate. Except for his or her one flaw: a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But I trust your perception, Baffled. This girl has the potential of really being interested.
Your desired princess is giving you attention, and you and everyone around you have noticed. So, what to do with this torn, yet faithful, counterpart?
First off, I assume that the two of you have some sort of friendship basis.
As a friend, does this person confide in you about the present status of her relationship with the boyfriend? If she trusts you with such personal information, one foot may be in the door already.
Listen to what she is saying. Is she counting down the minutes until the next time he comes to visit? Or is she saying, I care for him, but we really aren’t meant to be.
If the statement she is making is the latter, then it is time to observe her feelings and affection towards you.
The best advice I could give to you is to confront your love, after you make a few decisions. Think about the feelings of all involved.
Then, tell her in conversation when it’s just the two of you. Tell her that you think she is absolutely amazing and you wish to one day, sooner preferably, try a more serious relationship with her. Tell this girl everything you are thinking. Flash your best smile, and ask her if she could ever see the two of you together in a relationship.
Lastly, reassure her that you understand where she is right now, and how the feelings you just revealed may shake things up a bit.
This is an awkward spot to be in. In sharing your feelings, you run the risk of chasing your friend away. But if you never step up to the plate, you will never know if you could have hit a home run or struck out.


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